Monthly Archives: November 2012

Sale Soldiers – Black Friday Boredom Busters

Some of you more motivated then Yours Truly will be in line at any number of favorite stores this week, starting Thanksgiving night and heading on through the morning. Despite Turkey Coma and Ham Hangover, your endorphins will get you through at least the first hour.

But what then? How long can you look at Facebook, Twitter or play Bejeweled on your phone before you have to weigh the battery to entertainment ratio?

Here are some suggestions for people watching games. Most of them work really well if your coffee is spiked:

  1. Hair. Real or Not Real? This can also be played with a few other things (Boobs or Foobs?)
  2. Name Game – Just start calling out random names. If someone turns around – your buddy takes a little nipsy-poo of the coffee. Try not to get beat up in line – this one is not a friend-maker.
  3. Slug a Sunglasses – Most Black Friday Sales are in the dark of night or morning. If you see someone still wearing sunglasses, they are a douche. Slug them and then both you and your buddy can drink. Word of warning – make sure they are not blind first. That’s not okay.

Best of luck to you Sale Soldiers. I hope you all get what you want for your family and friends and that you all live to tell about it.

…and because I would be remiss if I didn’t…check out your nearby Central Texas Anytime Fitness for their awesome pie-buster Black Friday specials!!

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Self-flagellation and P.S. I Love You

Back in the day, when Husband Dearest would be away – business, bachelor party..whatever – I would take my chance to watch scary movies with my friends or all the random ghost shows that come on after dark on the weekend. I would do this knowing full well that I would watch just enough to start believing there are ghosts in my own house, friendly or not.

Wouldn’t be too long before I would be sure they weren’t friendly, and every time my dogs barked at nothing, I would be more and more sure I was right. Those nights were probably the bulk of that month’s electricity bill, because every light, and sometimes more than one television would be on the whole night. From the street, my house very likely looked like Thomas Edison’s field lab.

Knowing I was choosing to scare myself witless was literally like cutting my own switch and grabbing for my ankles.

As I near my thirties, my choice of punishment has evolved. I seem more and more prone to the sappy, woman movie. Yes. It’s true. When normally I can’t sit still for longer than an hour show, I keep finding myself in the middle of these wonderful, horrible, sometimes Lifetime-related, woman-targeted movies like “P.S. I Love You” or “My Sister’s Keeper.”

These movies seem designed to make you weep. Not cry, weep…seep? Whatever crying it is when your eyes drip of their own accord, long after you have told them to cut it out. These story lines are fantastic, sad and moving. You know what you’re getting into and just can’t help but watch anyway.

Guys, I know you don’t get it. We don’t get it either. I will sign off by trying to explain it with Man Language:

  1. Imagine you are offered two choices: A) a massage or B) a massage with a happy ending
  2. What if they told you that the massage would be great, the happy ending even better, but at the end the session, the massage bimbo would take your money and kick you in the nuts.
  3. You know there are plenty of you out there that are still thinking B is looking pretty good…
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Stinky Panda

Stinky Panda on Hazel's Head

Like most Goldendoodles, Hazel never met a Panda puppet she didn’t like.

 

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