Monthly Archives: August 2014

Amber Waves of Quinoa

Yesterday I had a grownup moment. Like the first time you turned around and realized that a productive weekend was Home Depot and Bed Bath & Beyond vs. a tipsy brunch and whatever followed. Follow up realization Рwhen did you decide weekends were for productivity anyway?

But anyway, my grownup moment.

Sure, you could consider getting married one. Or having a child. Or that day when you thought to yourself – hey, I’m craving pimiento cheese, fiber cereal and Wheel of Fortune. But it wasn’t until I put the baby down, put on my workout pants for the actual purpose of working out, actually left the house still with that intention (baby in Husband Dearest’s capable hands), got to the gym, stayed there, worked out (stairmaster!), noticed my proximity to Whole Foods, realized I could go there sans baby, and was calmly ignoring the Back to School chaos as I drifted through the aisles feeling like I was on some sort of vacation.

Grown up moment: when you don’t need Maui, you are straight up tripping on a grocery store run at a store where there are more people per square foot on the weekends than China during a karaoke festival.

And I’m not saying this could happen at any store. We’re talking Whole Foods (imagine magic confetti and listen for fairy sprinkles). The holy grail for the holistic, a paleo paradise, a wheat-free wonderland and kingdom where Kale rules supreme.

You feel healthier just breathing the air. Suddenly the 12 Oreos you ate for breakfast become a distant memory and thoughts of wheatgrass dance through your mind – surely a macrobiotic colon cleanse is the cure for everything. The place is worse than Target. It’s impossible to get out of there spending less than a hundred bucks. It’s the only publicly sanctioned cult I’ve run across, and I think they vaporize their Kool-Aid into the HVAC system.

Anyway. I don’t know what it was – my once in a blue moon workout, the ability to make an impromptu decision without considering¬†Jack’s nap or feeding schedule, or the basil infused ambiance and freakin’ cool cart escalators at Whole Foods – but my happy rear rode that wave all the way to 2:30 a.m. when I was finally able to sleep. Now I need a vacation from my staycation.

Or maybe a shot of wheatgrass.

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